Long Distance Blues

Since September 27th, 2008, I've been enduring the triumps and trials of a long distance relationship. Initially, I didn't think the distance would be an issue seeing as though we are only two hours aapart. When we first started dating, my baby would drive to Little Rock every week and stay for three days to spend time between his girls and I. Every week, I anticipated Monday's between 6 and 7 p.m. To this day, my stomach literally filsl with butterflies when he calls or sends me a text to let me know he was is his way. Once he makes it to my house and knocks on my door, we melt into each others arms like butter in a skillet. It is like sticking a eletric plug in the socket. His embrace sparks a feeling that lights up everything on the inside of me. Our words, short and minimized to multiple wow's. That WORD, WOW, is our way of expressing feelings that we just can't put into words. His smile or smirk sends an Antartica chill up my spine. It is an indicator to me that what stands before him still makes him happy. We endure the challenges of being so far away from each now because we are looking forward to a lifetime of happiness later. It goes without saying that there are times when it gets frustrating but WE get through it.

Changed my Mind, and My thoughts followed!

Positive, Happy, Full of Energy, Light Source, Good Aura, Strong!

A few months ago, all these were words used to describe me by people I know as well as strangers. I would receive these random compliments from people saying, "There is just something about you! I was literally a ball of energy with happiness bursting out of my seams. When walking to my job in the morning, I would profess to myself inwardly, I am love, I am happy, I am healthy, I am whole, I am wealthy, I am joy! These characteristics were shown outwardly because I believed them and professed them. No matter what challenges came my way, I still was able to maintain a sense of calm because my thoughts were powerful than my current reality.

Lately, this has changed and I've let my reality rule my attitude. My thoughts have take on a whole new image which has resulted in negative situations. I don't feel happy like before, and hearing positivity aggravates me. This is so unlike me. I am usually the one giving advice and encouraging people to stay and remain positive no matter their situations, but the tables have turned and I am one receiving that advice. I am all out of kilter and this imbalance is causing me to feel drained. I know I had to do something....

Epiphany: Something grabbed hold of me yesterday sometime during the day and I had this sudden mindset change. It's as if someone were sending up prayers and positive thoughts for me and right at the moment they were praying, it all changed for me. My situation didn't change, but my mind did. I resolved to be responsible for my ownself. If I want change in my life, I am responsible for making it happen. Working to improve my sitution while affirming and believing change is on the horizon is the solution. Soooo, yesterday, I made it my business to turn in an application so I can work a second job. I am going to give myself seven months to improve my situation! :0)

I am going to start walking everyday for at least thirty minutes to improve overall vitality and fitness. All the time resting is going to be replaced achieving small goals untils I see big change!!!!! I will say my affirmations daily and KNOW that I am now in line to receive the greatest blessing ever. No longer will I hold myself back. A lot of times we want change, but are not willing to work for it. We pray for change and prayer does work; however, you must take an active role in the process. That is not what people like to hear, but it's truth!

MY LIFE IS NOW IMPROVING because (I) am taking an active role to make sure it does!!!

Happy Feelin's

So, I had a choice to go to a girls night out... your typical dinner, drinks and stripper OR go the Frankie Beverly and Maze concert in which my boyfriend, " THE Marcell Dean," won a ticket for me by singing the lyrics to Michael Jackson's, " Lady in my Life." I initially tried to sell the ticket because I didn't think would be able to go due to my foot being swollen. I ended up not selling it and chose to go the concert. IT was an AMAZING experience. The weather was exceptional for an outside concert. As I was preparing the get ready, the excitement begin to bubble over in me. I was stoked first of all that a band of this calibur and their long standing success was coming to Little Rock, and secondly, my "brother" was responsible for bringing them here. I wanted the night to be a success. As I approached downtown, it was pure pandemonium!!!!! The lines were long and people were chit chatting and excited about this history making event. There were black people everywhere. I begin to observe and take notice of all the different shades and hues of black people. I noticed how prominent our features are and how beautiful God made us. We came together on this night to celebrate, groove and listen to a group that has been around for as long as I have been alive. Their music trancends age barriers; it is simply timeless. They can play one on their hits in the club and people will flock to the floor. I went to the concert alone and enjoyed myself immensely. I spent the night texting my boo and my mommy. The highlight of the night was putting my mommy on speaker phone and letting her hear her favorite Maze cut, " Golden Time of Day." I will definitely pay to hear them again!!!!

Raging Thoughts

My mind is racing from the constant thoughts that are running rampant in my head. Which way do I turn, which way do I go? I am just trying to maintain a steady flow! Times are hard and I am trying to stay afloat, but I seem to be sinking further and further. I need relief and I need it quick. The old adage, " When it rains, it pours," seems to be the blueprint of my life. Positivity is the key to a lifetime of success, but it is hard to remain positive when you have reality staring you in the face. I find refuge by sleeping; it is a way for me to escape, but as soon as I wake, the problems are still there. So , what do I do? I hate to just run away which seems to be the best option, but there's so much at stake by running. I have to do me too! I have to get myself in a position to make contact with destiny. So many choices to make. In me is power so I just need to dig down deep and grab a hand full of it and make use of it. I will succeed, I will survive, I will dream, and I will make it.

Is it you? (OLD POETRY)

In my head I’ve visualized you.
On paper, I have listed the qualities I want to see manifest in you.
In the morning when I rise, I make affirmations about you.
My day is consumed with subliminal thoughts of you.
My mind, body and spirit longs for you.
My arms long to be around you.
My hands long to caress you.
I ask the spirit to guide you to me.
Yet, when you appear, I am not ready for you.
Internally, I beat myself up and wonder what is wrong with me.
Everything I desire you seem to possess, and yet, when you appear, I second guess.
Is it you, the one I have longed for?
Are you the one I asked God for?
Are you the other half that will complete the whole of me?
Are you the missing puzzle piece?
How will I know if I don’t give it a chance?
Surreptitiously, I am praying and hoping it’s you because no one has ever made me feel the way you do.
I wonder if I will ever be in love with you, or if this is too good to be true?
So many questions flood my mind, so for now I will relax and enjoy this time. You are the half that makes me feel strong, I feel like with you we can take the whole world on.
The love we would share would be like two birds of a feather flocking together
The reality is the man that I’ve wished for has been placed right before me.
If this is a dream I’d rather sleep, whatever you do, don’t wake me.

Ends with the Truth...

This quote came to me out of pure random thoughts, and when I wrote it down and pondered on it, it made a lot of sense. When a person finds truth, their search is over.

The truth seeking for something finds nothing for in it lies everything. "Michelle Davis"

So tiny, yet a HUGE problem!

Apparently, I am allergic to ants. Whenever they bite me, I swell up severly on the place of contact. I have been bitten three times already this summer and each time the body part that it bites looks like one of Professor Klump's body parts! I don't know how something so small can cause such a huge problem? I am sitting at work subjected to wearing flip flops only because they munched on my right foot to satisfy their appetite. Now, my foot looks insanely huge like I have fats pads underneath my skin! Not cute...........at all! My toes aren't making contact with the ground and when I walk, there's this weird feeling I get like water is under my skin; it is jiggly like jello. I HATE Those god forbidden little bastards!!!! Annoying ANTS!! I have all kind of home remedies given to me and nothing seems to work. My friend Nesha just dropped me off some alcohol and some baking soda to make a paste that is supposed to alleviate the swelling! Please pray that something works and soon! I got plans for the weekend.

My Addiction

I am addicted to a four letter word.

It's a word we all know so well.

It's free and doesn't cost a thing.

It is something that we all have and can give.

It will make you come back again and again.

It's an addiction that I don't want to break.

It's one that I can't survive without.

It's been around for as long as the world has been in existence.

It is my reason for breathing, living, & being.

It will if the feeling is deep, cause tears to stream like a waterfall from your eyes.

I crave it, I need it, and I want it.

My desire is it to be given to me on the same level that I give it.

My longing is for it to be given with the same intensity that I give it out.

It is like a fresh glass of iced tea on an hot southern sunny day, just refreshing.

It will cause you to do things you normally wouldn't do.

It will cause your face to be decorated with a constant grin and your head to constantly spin.

If there's a cure for this addiction, I don't want it.

I want to all always be under its spell.
My addiction, LOVE!

Time is on my side.....

Time is all I have been craving because there has been a lack of it for various reasons all in which I understand. I decided to shift gears and instead to focus on what I wanted and not what I didn't want. I didn't want another excuse, or an early exit. So, I simply focused on togetherness. It's day four and time was granted.... one more second, one more minute, one more day. Thank you universe for hearing and responding to my subconcious thoughts!!

I want to

I want to touch you beyond the physical into the soul where real feelings take hold.I want to kiss you where you feel it deep down within a place that man can't see.I want to hold you so close that we become one like the holy trinity, no more you and me, but we. I want to you love you so freely like an unchained melody.

Ball of Emotions

The last three days have been amazing, a wake-up call of sorts and a reminder that all is well. God has blessed me with a man who loves me beyond my understanding, yet I complain about him not having enough time to spend with me when he is preparing for the future for his girls and with me. He is constantly on the grind all the time. I fell in love with this so does that make me a hypocrite now when I complain that he doesn't have time? Yes, it does! He is a visionary and his mind is constantly bombarded with creative thoughts that will all be part of a future of sucess.

Fist Full of Tears

I have a knot in my throat and my eyes are shelter to a fist full of tears. I am tired of disappointments in my life. Just when I think things are moving along great things seem to take a turn for the worse. I am in love with a man who is "my same," we fell in love almost instantly, our spirits connected and all has been well until recently. "TIME" is just not on our side. He is an upcoming business owner and as of late, his business has been getting all of his time and attention. I understand that a new business requires attention but this acknowledgement doesn't make it any less harder. It is a difficult adjustment due to the fact that we are two hours away from each other. I could just say screw it and walk away, but I can't because I believe in what we have. It is powerful and can withstand any storm or challenge. I know that he is a prayer answered and I know God has a plan in place. I wish I could just find a way to cope where it will not hurt so bad not to be near him. He sees future and I deal in both real time, and future. I have to exist in both worlds, so I would like to experience in both. The present is here and now but the future isn't always promised. I pray and hope this changes soon and we can get back to us. He makes promises with the best of intentions but unfortunately a lot of those promises are broken. I understand his heart and this is why I can't walk away. I love him and will face the challenges as they come. We will be stronger because of it. This too will pass.

Matter of Facts

I love extremely hard and only wish that someone would love me with that same intensity.
I am a simple creature. It doesn't take much to please me. A walk in the park, sharing a bowl of ice cream, spending time cuddling in the bed into the late afternoon or watching movies while spooning will make me feel special.

I love affection. My entire being craves it. I love to be kissed on the forehead, have my hair played in and thinks holding hands is sexy!
The flowers, chocolates, and diamonds are nice, but not my taste. If you really want to get to the heart of the matter with me, do something spontaneous like an unplanned road trip or a trip to Vegas for the weekend. It doesn't have to cost a lot of money but it does need to have plenty of thought behind in.

I love conversations about any and everything. I love to talk and love a man who can express himself and not feel like I am talking to a brick wall. A man who can meet me on mental level is as sexy as a candlelit dinner by the beach.

I NEED A MAN TO BE CONSISTENTa biggie!!! Lack of consistency in any relationship results in the demise of relationship . You start off doing something to make an impression but when you hooked and baited that fish you think you can slack. Well that is a HUGE turnoff for me. I know that over the course of any relationship things change but when things change you have to put just as much energy and time into that relationship as you did when you were trying to secure it from the get go!!!! If I start off sending you I love you's daily and good morning's daily, why stop?! This may be the reason why that fish took a bite off that hook!!! You just have to remain consistent.... It isn't hard!!!

Sleepy

I am at work trying to fight sleep. I stayed on the phone with my baby for three hours. When I woke up it was time for work!!!!! I love him so much.

From a Lye to the Truth!

Living a lye free has taught me how to accept the whole of me. Rejecting societal norms that straight hair on my head would make me more pretty.This wool like texture is a part of me, so I am going to sport it and do me. So many women are okay with living a lye they have to relax their hair orthey think they'll die.Nappy hair has its stigmas attached, that's why black women are addicted to the creamy crack.If you embrace and accept your nappy roots, you will realize nappy hair is the truth.Nappy hair shouldn't cause you shame, but help you remember from whence you came.Africa sweet Africa runs through our veins, we'll do anything to forget it by mutilating our manes.Relaxing it til the creamy crack burns your scalp, why subject yourself to that crap?It's almost like a crack freind, gotta have that lye or in public you can't be seen.Hair embraced mostly by the white race, complimenting and in awe of how I get it this way.They love and accept our naps more than we do; we've been brainwashed into thinking nappy is a hideous hairdo.The truth of the matter is nappy hair beautiful, sexy liberating and free.So don't snarl up your nose when my nappy hair is running free.I'm happily nappy and that won't change, I embrace my truth, nappy and not ashamed.I thank God for this unique mane, and teaching my daughters to do the same.We fro it, we twist it and even wear it straight, but when you living a lye you wear it all the same way.Even have nerves to tell " Nappy looks good on you;" I shake my head and say nappy too.Straight hair is cool if you aren't ashamed of your naps, if you are, you need to face the truth.Miss a relaxer for a month or two, and see our the naps take over you.

Silent Tears

Thoughts complex like mathematical equations.All kind of worldy persuasions, got me looking out the window dazing. Minutes turn to hours and months into years, who will quiet my silent tears. They overflow like the waves raging in a sea, got my walls up to sheild me from fear.

Dark Place

This dark place I find myself ends but always seem to find its way back. The light is at the end of the tunnel out of arms reach. I stretch myself to touch a glimpse of the light I see, so close it's actually blinding me.Life is a journey one I must embrace, it's a constant race trying to arrive at that peaceful place. Will I ever arrive, though I constantly strive? The thought of this brings tears to my eyes. I don't understand the constant sacrafice and constant compromises. The hurt I feel inside is real, inside my cries echo peace be still. Just when I think I have it all together, my whole life before me seems to unravel. My heart resembles that of shack , torn and shattered will it ever be in tact. Nobody would understand the pain and agony I feel. They would probably dismiss it as a joke and think she can't be for real. The mind battles cloud my future, and keeps me focused on my today. Please God help me is what I pray.

Greatest Gifts

The greatest gift that God could have ever given me was the gift of carrying three beautiful children. My life, my body, my spirit and mind were greatly altered. They are more to me than mere words can describe. When I look at them I see myself, their father, my mom, my dad, my sisters and brothers. Because of them, I won't die. I will live on through them. Each of them have different personalities that will impact this world greatly. I know they are blessed and highly favored. When I think of them and the fact that I carried them each for nine months, I am overwhelmed with emotion. I was chosen to carry greatness in my womb, and through me passed three of the greatest individuals I know. I will forever be thankful to their dad for connecting with me just for the purpose of bringing forth life!!!! We ended but they will live on. To my three children Nisha, Vernon Jr and Dylan, thanks for being three of the greatest gifts possible.

They Expanded My Heart

One day my soul just opened up and welcomed in three beautiful girls who would change my life. My heart has expanded and the feeling of love I have overflows. I always wanted to have another girl, but really didn't want to go through the whole pregnancy experience again. God answered three times and blessed me with a man who has three beautiful, intellengent, quirky, fun, loving, and sweet little girls. I love each the same but differently. I have a special connection with Amber because we have so much in common. Her spirit is so gentle and she is brilliant and has not yet tapped into. I know God has placed me in her life for a reason. Warryn is a hard lover just like me. She comes across with a strongness like a bull but on the inside of her is a core of love and gentleness. And Ashtyn, a ball of personality who has my same Zodiac sign. With her, you never know what you will get from one moment to the next. She is a joy and will bring sun on a cloudy day. I am so grateful to be a part of their lives!!!!!

"HE"

He colors my world.He is the yin to my yang.My heart beats to the melody of our beautiful love song.The glow of my skin is a reflection of him, my soul twin.Our love has no beginning or ending, it transcends time and space.

Hello, this is me...

I am A woman who is well aware of who I AM, why I AM and what I AM. I have realized the power that I used to search for outside of myself is within me. The same blood that runs through my veins ran through the blood of my ancestors who had to endure so much, but were overcomers on every level. Through that realization I am able to remain STRONG in the face of adversity. I am a woman who through adverse circumstances have found a strength that can't be broken. My past I embrace because I now realize it was boot camp to prepare me for what was to come. I am able to look back and realize why I had to go through, and am able to say smiling, THANK YOU. I have no regrets, but a praise on my lips to GOD because he knew that my past would mold me into the Michelle you all know and love today.I believe in the power of words. I believe in the power of my thoughts and KNOW for a fact that you can be what you want to be, and can have what you think you can have. I am excited about my future and those of you who will be a part of it ;0 {Especially one person in particular, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND I AM so grateful that we've crossed paths!!} I love the person I have evolved into and am still evolving into. The evolution of Michelle continues. It does not yet appear what I shall be. This is only preface of a coming attraction.......to be continued.

Beautiful, Odd, Me!

My skin resembles a glow as if it the sun fell out of the sky and lightly brushed my cheek.
My hair is as soft and fluffy as the whitest cloud in the ocean blue sky.
My lips are as soft as the wool on a lamb.
My skin to touch feels likes that of a new born babe.
My hips thick and bottom flat, all uniquely beautiful, yes, I got it like that.

Simple Complication

Simple. Complication. Worth it.
Loving you, simple.Our connection, simple.Being with you,simple.Lauging with you, simple.Your touch, simple.Your kiss, simple.You calling me beautiful, simple.Missing you, complication.Not waking up next to you, complication.Not feeling you next to my skin every night, complication.Not having you to come home to, complication.Knowing I will have you forever, makes all the complications simple.

Don't Pass Me By

My heart is breaking damn near aching the heaviness too much to bear.Nothing has happened in particular to cause these feelings to be there.I am feeling down and feeling low, the hopelessness seems to hinder my flow.Daily I affirm to see a change in my life, and dream of things I want to appear.All around me blessings are flowing, but they seem to pass me by.Some may so don't question God, but I can't help but ask him why.

Divine Connection

Our love like an ocean goes far beyond what the eye can see.
It reaches in places that are only felt, not touched.
It is a love so powerful it has to be sent from above.
It continues to ascend like a tower with such force and power.
When our paths crossed, neither was looking for love.
It just so happened love came looking for us.
Never once did we place restraints, we let our guards down allowing spirit to take rank.
Our love flows beautifully because we've allowed it to have its way.
No interruptions, just our sweet embrace.

Forever connected by spirit and soul.
We have vowed to let God take full control.
Giving him praise always for this divine union.
Our hearts are always in beautiful communion.
We are blessed to be able to share such a sweet love.
Our lives are enriched, thank you God from above.
Thanking God always for giving you to me to cherish and love!

Reflection Check

Being connected with God requires nothing of us, the connection just is. I do believe however that having a RELATIONSHIP with God requires something of us. We are contingent upon God for our very existence. Because HE is, we are. In the hustle and bustle of it all, we need to pause and be thankful to him for pure existence. We only acknowledge his presence whenever we feel we need him not knowing he is always there. We feel we have lost connection, but that is not the case at all. WE have just failed to acknowledge him. Just because a baby does not acknowledge that it needs an umbilical cord for survival does not mean it ceases to survive. It is the same with our connection with God, we never lose a connection we just forget about the connection and fail to give thanks. God breathed into us the breath of life, without his breath, we cease to exist. Our thoughts are very minimal; we cannot think beyond the natural and realize we are spirit. God is our umbilical cord; we need him to sustain us. We need to PAUSE and realize who our creator is and be an example of his existence in our lives. Stop and ask yourself, am I a light, am I an example of his existence in my life? We were created in him image, does your reflection show any glimpse of HIM at all? When I was pregnant with my second child, I did not know I was pregnant nor did anyone else, but they noticed something was different about me, a sort of glow. Well, our connection with God should cause people to see a difference in us.

Old Blog Entry: Life Changes

This is an old blog entry after I filed for divorce!


My life has taken a complete and total change. It was as if I was taken by storm and the key to surviving a storm is to be prepared, but I was not prepared so I was completely overwhelmed, devastated, and shaken, but today I am glad to say that I see clearly and I am standing firm knowing what my purpose was in the midst of this storm. I thank God for friends, family and co-workers who spoke life to me when I was lifeless...... Who spoke hope to me when I was hopeless ..... Who helped me to see that there is life after death, and death in this sense means the loss of something (relationship, self, job, physical) that once was but is no more.... This loss for me was a marriage that I thought would last forever, but today, it is no more. I have experienced the lowest point, and am now seeing that there is life after death, and that everything in this life happens to teach us a lesson so that we may speak life in someone else that experiences death, and teach them lessons because of our experience. How can we teach unless we have been taught? It is not possible. I have so much to share that it is unreal, and I will share more later. I have been inspired to write poetry as it relates to my situation, and I know it will help others. It is time for me to shut this cpu down and clock out...... LoVe 4 Real
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Tuesday September 5, 2006 - 02:56pm (PDT) Edit Delete Permanent Link 0 Comments

Mystery of Me

Beyond the layers of me are hidden mysteries
silent struggles tried to emerge and get the best of me
deep within my soul was a deep dark hole
overflowing with frustrations, digust and self hate
Constantly feeling like no one else could relate
I didn't want these feelings to overtake me
the spirit within me longed to make me free
constant thoughts of insanity that I had to come
face to face with thoughts in my head that was full of false impressions and illusions, but not the reality of me.
It was hard to face the person inside so I conceded to let
Spirit be my guide.
The I AM led me into a place of pure bliss, free from insanity, illusions, and
rreleased me into authenticity, truth is I am that I AM and nothing less
I am nothing but the best...truth is I am that I am and no-one can speak
anything else I am in touch with the real me not false impressions, illusions, but the reality of me....

Rebirth Through Disconnection

Two years ago I cried over a man who dogged me out, made me question my sanity and nearly stripped me of my self- esteem. I spent nights crying out to God to save and restore my marriage. I walked around shamed-faced thinking that I had failed at keeping my family together. I blamed myself.

God used that divorce to break me down only to build me back up and prepare me to be fit for a king. My self esteem is no longer in question. I love myself today more than I ever have in my thirty four years.

I have been reborn and am now experiencing the true meaning of “LOVE”.

True love can only be experienced in its fullness by those who love themselves. I loved myself enough to know that God would give me the desires of my heart.

I experienced hardships while dating but when I made up mind that settling was no longer an option; I began to gravitate towards men who favored me. I still had some men who weren’t meeting my standards. Yes, I actually had a list. But I knew I couldn’t falter.

I am not in the fixing up business. I didn’t expect perfection, but I did expect my thoughts and desires to manifest just as I’d prayed.

I began to write a letter to my “Man to be.” I didn’t have an image of this man; I just knew he would be coming because my thoughts were in line for him to come into my life.

Well ladies, he arrived September 27th, 2008 and we haven’t skipped a beat since. I’m particularly flooded with emotion because my manifestation is before me, the best relationship of my life.

When I cry at night now, it is because I am thankful to Him for what is right before me and what I see out in the distance. I praise God now for a divorce that I once cried out for him to save. I had to go through that to save myself and be free to receive what He had in store for me.

I must say that I am beyond love and a new word needs to be implemented to describe what we have. This relationship has been one that I’ve embraced; I’ve let engulf me and allow myself to be suffocated in. The emotions and feelings between us are so potent, we’re left speechless… leaving us, almost in a dream-like state.

Everything that I thought I wanted, needed and desired in a man has manifested before my eyes. He is so good to me! Everywhere we go people take notice, make compliments, and admire what we have. It is such a flow, and wow…. TEARS! He is my soul twin.

Where I end, he begins. True happiness. Destiny- fulfilled.

I promise there is that “ONE” who will arrive in your life that will you leave you breathless and makes you feel like you are the baddest thang walking this earth even if you feel you aren’t. Doesn’t mind professing and letting the world know that you are his girl and then truly make you feel like the Queen you are.

I am happy sister who wants happiness for others. Pass it on.

He comletes you, Say What?!

In order to connect with someone else, fulfillment should be found in yourself first. You should never attach to anyone looking for them to complete you in any form or fashion. From personal experience, that search will you lead you to a dead end road. We as women want that man to come along and lift us up where we belong, but I've found out that we need to lift ourselves up first and let that man meet us there. We try to connect with people thinking that is going to result in wholeness, but if you connect as a half you will remain that way because no other person will be able to complete you. Completeness comes from within.
I vowed that I would never get into another relationship in a broken state. I wanted to be healed from inside out completely. It is not fair to the other person to experience part of you. You don't go to look for a car at the junk yard. You want the best so in order to attract the best; you have to be the best. Mess attracts mess, i.e. emotional issues, unresolved relationships issues, low self-esteem... etc. If you get into a relationship thinking that the other person can fill a void, you will find yourself becoming frustrated because that person can not do it and should have to bear the responsibility of dealing with your issues. All of these should be resolved before connecting with anyone. When attaching yourself to anyone that person is meant to enhance you, not complete you.

Hoodwinked? Perhaps!

how does it feel to be hoodwinked into thinking that life is one way but it totally different than what you have been taught. i sometimes sit and wonder how my life would be had i not been programmed into thinking certain ways about life. for example, i grew up believing that God was an outside entity totally seperate from myself. i grew up judging people based on their religious affiliation. for example, if you weren't baptist then you were going to be sentenced to a life of fire and brimstone. it wasn't until to a few years back that i my life took a drastic 360 as it relates to my way of thinking about God and who God is and where he exists. I am not asking for anyone to agree with me, but be open minded. This was life changing for me and changed the way I see myself. God is in all! God is everywhere! He is omni present(Omnipresence is the ability to be present in every place at any, and/or every, time; unbounded or universal presence. It is related to the concept of ubiquity, the ability to be everywhere at a certain point in time. ) That in a nutshell sums it up for me. We try to place limits on God, but guess what, that is impossible. He is in each and everyone of us. Even the worst of us. The reason people are bad generally is because they don't know who they are. God breathed into us the breath of life. WE are made in his image(form; appearance; semblance: We are all created in God's image), and in his likeness (The state, quality, or fact of being like; resemblance. An imitative appearance; a semblance.A pictorial, graphic, or sculptured representation of something; an image) This let's me know that the very fabric of my being should always reflect God. we don't want to be on the same level as God, but the aforementioned statements is enough for me to know who I am and who resides within me. WE are already equipped with love, because loves resides with in us, thus we are love. WE are hope because hope resides within us. remember God breathed into us life, he is within us, but we look outwardly for that love, peace, and hope, not knowing that to go inward is to go to that very thing that we are seeking for on the outside. We are so powerful, but don't know it. Not only are we human beings, which is a mere fraction of who we are, but we are spiritual beings, God beings. the outside is a mask that hides the internal truth of who we really are. low self esteem would not be an issue if people know "WHO" they really are. I am so in love with myself, because God is within me and to not love myself is to not love GOD!

Love hard or not at all!

Do I love too hard? Maybe, but I will not stop loving people the way I want to be loved. One day that intensity will be matched. Right now, I will settle for people loving me the way they know how.

No agenda
Today I am in a state of pure bliss I have no awareness of time no particular thoughts just me alone with me.... Sometimes in order to exist you have to step down from the daily grind and just become one with you, and I am learning to break away from those outward thoughts and become one with me. It doesn't matter what is going on around me. I am learning to separate in order to exist with me----spirit…..GOD. It's funny when you go within and take a look and notice how there is a void and that void can be filled with you taking step back and noticing that you need to feed your own soul----- the food consists of time, time alone with yourself, your spirit needs to be fed with quiet time---- for in the quiet times the spirit can reveal himself to you... I love the quietness it releases a peace; the silence allows me to hear from within.

Distorted Reflection Made Clear

As I look in the mirror my reflection stares back at me, mirroring a woman who was once in agony.
Hurt was so pungent others could sense the pain, inwardly, quietly, starting to feel insane.
Reflections of shame, people whispering my name, all along knowing I was caught up in a game.
A game of love quickly replaced with self hate, I am sure others feel me and can certainly relate.
Self-esteem was so low, always covering up and putting on a show to distract others from seeing the distorted broken me.
A reflection of a woman so obviously weak yet professing I was strong, secretly singing a sad song.
Reflections of constantly comparing myself to others, when knowing I was so different than any other.
Unique yet beautiful in my own rite, the creator made no mistakes; he'd created me in his own sight.
The reflection becomes clear to me and now I can see, and appreciate the reflection of the true whole me.
The game of hate is now replaced with love, I found it within and it comes from above. Low self-esteem has been replaced with pride, pride of who I am, a strong woman inside. Reflections of weakness have been replaced with power mirroring a woman whose strength ascends like a tower.

amazing

amazing was the day when I met you
amazing was the day when you said I love you
amazing are the thoughts of us being together forever
amazing is me waking up every morning next to you
amazing is me and you!