Prophecy to me K'Jon...

Now the tide is coming near
I see the waves flowing
Out there on the ocean
I know my ship is coming in (coming in baby)
Just pass the horizon
And right where the sky ends
Cause out there on the ocean
Know my ship is coming in
But don't leave me hanging
I've been waiting to long
But this moment
My ship has finally come

John "FOOT IN MOUTH" Mayer

John Mayer's racist sentiments really offended me in that I "was" a fan of his music. His lyrics refreshing, unique and touching; however, I can find another artist with the same lyrical magic. I dare not entertain myself by the sounds of a man who find black women distasteful.... yes, he made reference to not having a hood pass.... WTF? The he said that his penis was like a white supremacist, it would never go near a black woman... That is the most ignorant analogy I've heard in my life. It speaks volumes on how he really feels about women of color. I think he fails to realize that he has a fanbase that resembles the color of a rainbow... it's not just white women who love his music. I prefer black men to white men, but I dare not liken my vagina to anything with such a negative connotation! WE all have our preferences and shouldn't be knocked because of it, but the issue with John is the use of such racist laced verbiage... I am being told that this is not the first time that he's said something ignorant.... I am not a fan any longer. He went too far! Apology, REJECTED!

Less Than A Woman

Does it make me less that a woman to admit I want your body laying next to me at night?

Does it make me less than a woman to admit I want to come home to you when I get home from a long stressful day to hear you tell me everything is going to be alright?

Does it make me less than a woman to admit that I don't want to grow old alone and want you to grow old right alongside me?

Does it make me less than a woman to admit that I want you to be the lead man in my life as I stand beside you being your biggest cheerleader?

Does it make me less woman to admit I like to go out alone with my girls but I prefer to go out with you because I love how we are when we are together, I love the people looking at us admiringly, and all the compliments we get?

Does it make me less than a woman to admit that I lwant to take care of my you by cooking for you, cleaning for you, stroking your ego, supporting you in your goals, holding you up when you feel weak, allowing you to expose your vulnerabilities to me?

Does it make me less than a woman to want to go to church with you by my side who I love to see worship and praise God, and a man I know prays for me and doesn't mind praying with me?

Does it make me less than a woman to admit that I want to be united in holy matrimony with the love of my life and show the world an example of what "love" can be? Will be, and is supposed to be?

Does it make me less than a woman to admit to you that you that I think about you all day everyday?

Does it make me less than a woman to admit that I daydream about what our life will be like together?

Does it make me less than a woman that even when I don't feel loved by you, that makes me love you even more?

Does it make me less than a woman to admit that out of the men I've encountered in my life you are the only man that matters! Since you have been in my life, I have no memory of before, just now and after.

Does it make me less than a woman to admit that I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself, he thinks your are beautiful?

Does it make me less than a woman to admit, I can't imagine my life without you?

If all these things make me less than a woman, I will accept that because I know I am more than a woman because I'm connected to you. I will never stop loving you.

My Quotes

" When you rise to the top, don't forget the one who stood on the ground with you." Michelle Davis

Today's Relationship Affirmation

I will build up and not tear down.
I will always show love.
I will be aware of my attitude at all times, even in difficult times.

Tears for Haiti, I cry!

The images of dead, hungry & injured haitians affect me, I cry.

Children disconnected from parents who are now lost and displaced, I cry!

Watching the looks of desperation in their eyes, wondering if God will hear their cries, I Cry!

Seeing bloody, limpless & lifeless bodies pulled from the rubble, I cry!

Hearing the stories of how their lives flashed before them, I cry!

When will help arrive before other Haitians have to die, I cry!

God please bless the Haitian, boys, girls, women & men, I cry!

January 24, 2010

On this day forty years ago, little did I know that my soul twin would be born. The man who would show up in my life and take me by storm. The man who would love every inch of pain away. The man who would brighten each and every one of my days. The man who knows every part of me. The man who knows what I am capable of being. God knew that I needed this man and this man needed me. It would take us would take thirty eight years to connect and realize we needed each other. He was preparing this man to be able to love me that way I needed to be loved, kiss me the way I needed to be kissed, hold me the way I needed to be held, honor me the way I needed to be honor. God formed and fashioned me through my trials and tribulations to be equipped to love this man. To speak life to this man, to hold this man up in prayer, to open my heart up so that his love could flow in. God knew that we needed each other. I am so glad that God created this man to be. The day he did that he knew that he would love me. Happy Birthday to my lover, my friend, my everything... !

Spiritual Connection

Grew up in a home where God was at the forefront so spirituality is a HUGE part of my life. It is embedded in me and when I was praying for a mate, spirituality was a huge connection that we had to share; no ifs, ands, buts about it. I didn't particuarly care about the denomination part of it, but he would have to know who God was, and be able to reach out to him. So, when my desires were manifested and this man arrived in my life I was elated. I am so grateful to have a man in my life who is spiritually connected, and doesn't mind allowing me to see that side of him and further, experience God with him. That brings about an intimacy that is unmatched. Spirituality is the tie that binds us moreso than any physical tie every could. We are using this week as a week of fasting and reflecting. We are so in sync it is amazing to me. He text me this morning at 6:30 (highly unusual because he is late riser) I woke up at 4:30. He text me and said baby, let's pray from 6:30 to 6:40 individually. That was the most beautiful, and powerful and confirming thing yet. It was a very defining part of our relationship in that it reminds me to be VERY grateful for what I have. Most married people don't have our connection.

Haitian Crisis

I must dedicate this space to my feelings concerning the recent natural crisis that affected so many Haitians. I was so saddened to hear about the news of this earthquake shaking up and destroying a country who is already poverty stricken & trying to recover from hurricanes that they were hugely impacted by as well. The media is doing a great job in covering this story as we can all get a view and understand the sense of urgency when it comes down to donating money to assist in helping so many impacted by the earthquake. There are several ways to donate that are convenient for everyone.

Of course, there is always going to be negativity in the news as well, and I for the life of me can't figure out why any negativity can come from something already so hugely devastating. For instance, Rush Limbaugh ( LUCIFER IN HUMAN FORM) comments were totally stupid!!! Yes, the US troops are generally used to defend and protect our nation; however, the US is known for supporting other nations in crisis and providing AID so why stop now. I can't help but wonder if his comments were in part due to the race of the people....hmmmmm!!! Yes there are organizations such as the RED CROSS set up to do this job; however, due to the extent of this disaster, and the urgency, all hands should be on deck and no-one should be againt is. He is a staunch racist liberal who needs to be banned from the airways.. One thing I can applaud him for, and that is being consistently ignorant. Then of course you have christian zealots such as Robert Roberts, who said that bascially these people got what they deserved due their long history of witch craft!!! I would rebut that but for the sake of causing a riot on the WORLD WIBE WEB, I will leave it this, God is a God of love. He doesn't cause this type of devastation as a means of punishment. If that were the case, there would be no world to speak of... ONE WORD, SLAVERY. Where does the punishment come in there?!

I will not drag that post out giving energy to these very obvious heartless human beings. The most important thing is helping these people out who are is dire need of the worlds assistance. So many people have lost lives, lost loved ones, lost homes, and we all can do our part. It's all about giving back.

Contact your local Red Cross to give back!!!!

Today, the boyfriend and I will starting on a waterfast for the duration of this week. For those of you who don't know what a fast is, this is the definition: Fasting is voluntarily not eating food for varying lengths of time. Fasting is used as a medical therapy for many conditions. It is also a spiritual practice in many religions.

My reason for fasting is 1.) Lack of energy, increased headaches, and aches in joints AND 2.) greater spiritual clarity.

The fast will be challenging but beneficial & the benefits far outweigh the challenges. I am geared up and ready to tackle the uncomfortablity for a few days in order to see the positive side that this fast will present. Even more, I am glad to be doing this with my sweetie. There will be no physical getting down during this time either...... WE CAN DO IT, yes we can.

God Send

I've blogged before about insecurity issues. I acknowledged that I had an issue, and I also mentioned that I'd overcome them but as with any issue, it takes time to overcome something you've dealt with for years. I must say that day before yesterday, I realized how huge of an issue I was having and reached out to one of my friends who sent the below email to me. When I read and processed the email, it was like instantaneous relief. Her words soothed and spoke to that insecurity and told it that it had no place in my life. SEE BELOW:

Well first off, you are HUMAN! But even more you are SPIRIT!! You have entered into a new realm of life and relationship that has restored EVERYTHING that was snatched. You said this happens SOMETIMES (the insecurity of him leaving) not all the time. Let’s me know this evil spirit that seeks to rob you is seasonal; seasonal from your past life and not allowed to enter into your new one. Recognize your season and ask God to allow HIS power to overtake you in that season. YOU have the power to say what YOUR season will consist of. When evil spirits from past realms try to interact with a good spirits in the new realm, you have to decide which spirit you will allow to dominate.

We all wrestle with them, but you have to show it whose boss!!! If you are in that season right now, make up your mind this day that whether you are screaming for attention from your mate or just want to be reassured he is there, first tell yourself that he is there, speak into existence that he will not leave and vice versa and begin to act on what you have spoken. Your body language and your spoken words, your feelings will begin to be tamed to do and feel what you tell it to do and won’t take on a mind of its own. Think and reminisce often on his embrace, his passion for you, life and you alls love. Not any love but the love you all feel when you are together. Don’t compare it to anyone else’s b/c yours is incomparable. When you feel overwhelmed by an outer spirit, call him (Marcel) and tell him you love him and were just thinking of him and how you are happy that you all crossed paths and how you can’t wait to become one on earth just as you are in heaven. Tell him what you want to see happen and NEVER ask him again if he is going to leave or if mention that to even be a possibility.

Beautiful Surprise

Eye seen it in your eyes as if I caught you by surprise, you quickly realized that I was your beautiful surprise.

A bit perplexed by the quickness of my appearance, you thought, I came & now I'm part of your daily existence.

We ask ourselves how'd God make such an amazing connection, you & me together is God's show of perfection.

More than just a feeling of love, it's deeper, it's grander it's ascended far above.

I can't say I've ever felt this way, I'm open wide open to let the beauty of love have its way.

The fear of being hurt is erased away and replaced with you loving me day after day.

2010

As we are eleven hours away from a NEW YEAR, I am overjoyed and filled with glee of what the New Year as for me. I don't have a list of resolutions, but I have expectations for myself and I expect to do something major this year. I am realizing more and more that time moves even when we don't move with it. During those hours, minutes and seconds that are passing by is an opportunity to grab at destiny. I want a bookstore/cafe/lounge that is trendy, upscale with a New York feel to it. My time at Blue Cross has served me well; however, it's time to venture into business for myself. I am excited about the success around me and in the lives of people who are near and dear, but I am ready to bite off of some of it, taste it, get full off it and take a second bite. I am able to do whatever I put my mind to. 2010 is a year of new beginnings for me. I am ready to get it.

Truth: Hidden or Revealed

We ask for the "truth," but at times, I don't think we can handle it. Instinctively, I think truth is one of those things that we all say we want, but once we get it, we can't handle it. Some things are better not knowing at all.

Fatherless!

My dad and I aren't on speaking terms; this was a choice that I was forced to make after he made a comment about the gap in between my teeth. The relationship wasn't healthy and he wasn't doing anything to ensure that it ever would be. Every chance he gets, he belittles me, or makes a derrogatory comment about my personal appearance. All of my insecurities and low self esteem issues were brought on by him. You expect that in the streets, but not from someone who is supposed to protect you and shield you from the streets. It was I who reached out to him out of all five kids he had.........I was the one who visisted him when he came to town, or made calls to check to him. I've never felt a father daughter connection with my dad. I long for that type of connection. I can fool myself and say it's not necessary at this point in my life, but if that's the case, why do I cry when I see a father and daughter interacting in a way that I long for with my dad??? As for right now, I am okay, but I don't think that desire for "TRUE" father daughter relationship will ever go away. For all of you ladies, and girls out here in the blogosphere who happens to read this and have a dad who puts forth effort, cherish that.

Breakdown in Relationships: Part II

In part one, I gathered the thoughts of both men and women as to whether they thought all men cheated, and while the responses were different, they were similiar in that all men struggle with issues of cheating but not all act out. A lot of them do, and those are the men I wish to talk to find out what drives them to that point, if anything. I know of relationships where men have good women but that urge to cheat clouds their judgement, and they end up risking a good thing by succumbing to a few seconds of pleasure. What disturbs me further is the fact that these men say, " It meant nothing." If it means nothing then why even go there???

This is where I have an issue. If you do something, do it with a purpose and an intent behind it. The act of sex is treated as if it means nothing. It is one of the most spiritual acts between two people that can be performed, and for us to treat it so casually and do it with " NO PURPOSE" shows ignorance. While speaking to someone on this issue, they said that men are able to seperate their emotions, so for a man to engage in a sexual act with a woman with no feelings attached is normal. As for a woman, it is different. We are so emotionally involved in everything we do, it's hard for us to have casual sex with no feelings or emotions. Now that I think about it, what he said makes a lot of sense, but still.....

If you are in a relationship with someone, a committed relationship, I don't feel that having sex outside the confines of that relationship is right. IF you love, cherish, honor and respect this person, you will "think" carefully before you risk losing her, or causing her to hurt in a way that you know she will if she finds out you've cheated. Cheating to me is a symptom of an already present problem be it with the relationship, or the person who is doing the cheating. Men by nature are hunters, but at some point the hunter puts down his gun. You should get tired of the chase and be ready to enjoy what you've caught. Is nothing ever good enough?

Relationships are a challenge, and anyone who enjoys a challenge like myself should strive to do what they can to make sure that relationship is gratifying in EVERYWAY. I think couples become complacent and don't strive to make it work. We get caught up in the daily grind of life, and our relationships suffer. Instead of coming together, we grow further and further apart thus leading us to seek outside fulfillment. If we put our relationships at the forefront and give as much energy and attention to it, then I believe some of this infidelity can be avoided. Now this isn't for those people who are going to cheat happy or not. These are for those who fall prey to cheating due to not being fulfilled or not happy within the confines of their relationship due to not giving it the adequate attention and time.

Anything you have to give time and energy to should be considered an investment. An investment: a devoting, using, or giving of time, talent, emotional energy, etc., as for a purpose or to achieve something: His investment in the project included more time than he cared to remember.

I personally am in love with a man that I prayed for, and that God graciously blessed me. God invested that man to me so I have to put in the time & emotional energy to achieve greatness in area of this relationship . This means I have to be attentive to his needs, wants and desires. I have to be there for him to talk to. I have to be there physically so that we can connect on a spiritual level for the purpose of becoming closer. It's more than us providing each other with the physical element. This relationship will be a blessing to the kingdom. I take my relationship seriously. So I will do what it takes to ensure it's longevity and success.

Things to do to ensure success and longevity:

1.) Whatever activities you spent together doing when you were dating, you should still make time for. If you went out to parks, lunch dates, clubs or dinner, you still should do that.

2.) Take random trips. These don't have to be luxurious trips that will break the bank. A one day getaway to the closest state will do the trick. Sometimes getting away from your normal surroundings does a whole lot.

3.) Spend time talking and reconnecting. Communication is so very important in a relationship. It gives you the opportunity to express your inner most thoughts and feelings.

4.) LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH ------- I am so lucky to be with a man who makes me laugh. We spend a great deal of our time together joking around and laughing. Rarely do you see us and we are grinning about jokes shared between the two us or something out of the blue he's done to make me smile. I don't care where we are, we are able to enjoy each others company. The company of others is OKAY, but we truly enjoy each other.

5.) Take yourself out of the equation and think about the other party. Sometimes we can become so narcissistic that we forget about others. When you are in a relationship, you have to become selfless. I look at it this way, if you give of yourself, you will get in return.

6.) Be spontaneous and spur of the moment. Not everything has to be planned. That takes the joy out of it. Every now and again, surprise your boo with something special.

7.) Don't like to get into others bedrooms, but I will say this..............be willing to explore and go beyond missionary. There is no bounds between you are your mate. Be open minded.... :)

8.) Being spiritually connected is vital. I don't care what your religious background is, you both should be able to thank God and continue to ask him to bless your union.

More coming soon.........

Breakdown in Relationships: Part I

A relationship between a man and a woman is the most beautiful connection that I've witnessed, and also the most complicated. Men & women don't understand each other. We are the same in so many ways yet as different as the taste between a lemon & an orange. I think this is where the breakdown begins. We simply don't understand how the other thinks. A many of books have been written to try to help us gain insight into the minds of each other; however, it hasn't been enough to help us understand each other any more than before the books were written. I have asked this age old question to both men and women alike and the answers vary greatly. That question is:

Do all men cheat and why?

Below are a few responses from a few men and a few women.

Male's Response # 1

All men don’t cheat. All men think about cheating at one time or another, but all men don’t actually do it. (Mike N)

Male Response # 2

Ok! to answer your first question of do all men cheat? NO! but unfortunately it’s more that do than don’t.
Why? Well that’s a complicated answer so let me do the best I can.
First, we gotta be able to distinguish men from boys and imma talk about boys first. Boys cheat whenever an opportunity arises and they can get they thang wet. It’s no rhyme or reason to why a boy cheats. Sometimes it’s for bragging rights, sometimes it’s for something new and sometimes it’s just because a girl was there and the boy merely doesn’t know how to say no unless you’re asking him a question like, “will you take me out to eat first” (lol – that’s not really funny…but it’s the truth). But we not go waist a lot of time on boys because you can tell a boy from the first time he opens his mouth.
Why do MEN cheat is something different, in my opinion. First of all, contrary to popular belief, men have emotions too and if you have a man then you got yourself a good thing. So the way to keep a man is not just through his stomach but through his heart. You gotta communicate with a man. You gotta be open with a man. And anytime you close a door and not allow that man inside of that space, then you push him away. These women now a days are ruthless and look to take yo man so think about that too. Not only that but men aint the only ones cheatin either, but that’s another question that I want YOU to answer for me later on. ANYWAY, you can’t open up to a man in the beginning and do all this for him and all that for him and think that once you all get comfortable with each other then you can start slacking. You have to ALWAYS be on your job and up on your game. Women like to put their game face on in the beginning which attracts us, but then once you get us then you wanna take your game face off and put on your poker face. that don’t work with us. If you really want your MAN not to cheat, then keep it exciting for him. Do things new and spontaneous. Stop making excuses. Stop being so insecure. As gentleman as a man can be he still like that “freak” in you so regardless of how YOU think you look, put on some’m risqué from time to time. Believe me, a MAN knows how to find beauty in his lady and it aint on the surface but what’s under it that makes beauty. Don’t just say I love you but show it. Above all LISTEN to him. Even if you don’t fully agree or understand what he’s saying off top, just take yourself out of self and try seeing things through another eye. You’ll find we (men and women) are not that different. We want the same things you want, just in different ways.
So to answer your question of why men cheat…I can’t pin point that. But I’ve told you how to keep a man with several things to do. Now if your man cheats on you the 9 times out of 10 it’s because you didn’t listen to him when he opened up and expressed his likes and desires. Either that or you listened and didn’t act on them and somebody else did. If you did listen to him and you did act and he still cheated…then unfortunately you had yourself a boy. (Next lesson will be how to tell a boy from a man J).
Now does a man need to be in a committed relationship if he’s gonna cheat…heck naw. It aint committed if he’s not. commitment is a pledge to somebody. Now do mistakes happen, sure they do sometime. Does regrets arise, of course. But if a man KNOWS he’s gonna cheat on his woman then there’s no reason for him to even play with a woman’s heart with “commitment”. That’s really, really dangerous. Hearts are too fragile and people do some mean and evil things in behind a broken heart. Should a man be in a committed relationship if he is going to cheat? It depends on how you define “cheat”. (Keith W)

Male's Response # 3

All men DON'T cheat, and if he's going to, there's no use in being in a committed relationship. That goes against the root meaning of the term. (Martell C)

Ladies Response # 1

All men DO NOT cheat. And no, he should not be in a committed relationship if he is going to cheat – because then it wouldn’t be a ‘committed’ relationship. (Mishawn J)

Ladies Response # 2

I don’t believe all men cheat. I believe SOME men cheat. I think this is why most men are afraid of committed relationships because they already know they are capable of cheating. And from a spiritual standpoint, you have to remember that while we pray for fidelity, the devil is powerful when it comes to tempting a man because men are naturally stimulated by sight. With all the “sex sells” things out here I leave nothing to chance. Again I say, in all things stay prayerful. (Shela S.)

Ladies Response # 3

Honestly Michelle, I don’t think ALL men cheat. But the majority. You do have some men out there that are loyal to their wives or significant other. But after seeing several previous situations (including my own), I don’t put anything past them. And no a man should not be in a committed relationship if he wants to entertain other women. Now if he let it be known to his significant other that he wants to see other people or he will see other people and she accepts it, then hey, to each his own. And they cheat just because of the temptation. They can have everything they want and need at home, but just the temptation and getting the attention from other women will drive them there. It’s sad. (Michelle P.)

I want to understand why people cheat, men in particuarly. The statement most prevelant in all these answers is the fact that ALL of these folks believe that not while ALL men cheat, the MAJORITY does. I want to comprehend what thoughts men have before they cheat, if they feel bad during, and if they have no feelings for these ladies then WHY???

Male Response # 1 on WHY???

He watched the good guys and see what happens to them. I am scared to get cheated on. SO the women, they don't F*** with me, they know I'll change it up on them. Jeff B. Sr.

Male Response # 2

Because of lack of self-control... when I see something that I want, I go for it and worry about the consequences afterwards. Jeff B.

Male Response # 3

For different reasons: greedy, temptation. Being spiteful and not trusting the one that we're with and it's easy. Aric F.

I want to know if there is any time in a man's life where he is ever completely satisified with one woman ????

PART II COMING soon.

Flu Shot

Today my company offered everyone "free" flu shots, and I just went and got mine. YIPPPEEE! I've had the flu one time and never want to go through that again so whatever precautionary measures "I" need to take to never get the flu again, I am game. Now that H1N1 vaccine is a whole different topic. I think this one flu shot should cover me for both and if it doesn't prayer and positive thinking will. Cheers to wellness!!!

What's your addiction?

Addictions are things we fall prey to and allow to CONTROL and CONSUME us. It becomes a "Can't Help It, " and the urge takes over us so strongly that we resist. Some of these addictions can be deadly, and cause us to lose things that are near and dear to us including our lives and families. A person can start off doing these things as a form of entertainment, but quickly become caught up in its spell. Without help, these addictions can completely cause us to spiral out of control losing sight of everything that is important. The good thing is help is out there, but most times denial causes a person not to seek help. WE will neglect our jobs, our children, our spouses, to satisfy our addictions. These addictions not only hurt the person who has the addiction but the people who have to sit by and watch you spiral out of control. It's a sad thing to sit back and watch a person allow THINGS to take control over them to a point they won't say NO! They can't say no. People with addictions are lacking something internally but look outside for gratification. Until they come to grips with the real issue " THEMSELVES" they will always attach to something... that results in an addiction. Praying for all the addicted folks.