Excerpt

I never dreamed of a wedding when I was a little girl because the example of a marriage placed before me was as raggedy as an old abandoned shack along a countryside road. It was literally in shambles with no sign of a remodel in sight. I don't even think a renovation was possible. I did not spend my days daydreaming of a flowy white dress or a handsome bride to greet me at the alter. Those thoughts never crossed my mind even once. All I ever imagined was peaceful days and restful nights when my parents were not arguing, but the opposite would always manifest.Days would be interrupted with an argument erupting out of nowhere and I would be awokened from a good nights sleep by yelling, the sound of objects being thrown about while I lay lay there wishing for normalcy. I hoped that they would dig deep and find that same love that brought them together so that their anger towards each other would be silenced. I wanted the love to come and silence the sound of hate. There always seemed to be a war going on in my immediate space and in my mind. Silent argumenents between my conscious and subconsious asking questions like, " Why did you have to place me with this family?" I thought God was really punishing me for something I'd done in a previous life unbeknownst to me. I never imagined my life to be anything more than a whirlwind of chaotic mishaps. Nothing good would become of me with this type of example placed before me. How could I be a wife, I could I be a good mother, what could I teach if I wasn't learning? Thinking ahead was a scary thought; I never saw myself as a good child, nor did anyone else or at least it was never told to me. Often I felt displaced as if I was dropped out of the sky and into a mysterious place where I did not belong..... to be continued!